


October

by Synnerxx



Category: Mötley Crüe
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Domestic Violence, M/M, Rape, Self-Harm, Songfic, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-14
Updated: 2008-08-14
Packaged: 2018-06-10 12:39:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6956803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synnerxx/pseuds/Synnerxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy can't run anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	October

**Author's Note:**

> the song is "october" by evanescence.

_I can't run anymore  
I fall before you  
Here I am  
I have nothing left_

Tommy sighed. He was sick of trying to avoid Mick. The man had been his lover for close to twenty years. He just didn't know how to end things. Besides, did he really want to? No, Mick was the only one who had ever really loved him and, if he left, who would he have? 

_Though I've tried to forget  
You're all that I am  
Take me home  
I'm through fighting it_

Tommy remembered the time he had tried to kill himself. He had taken a razor blade and dug into both of his wrists, leaving deep gashes in it's wake. He had almost succeeded in his plan, and he would have too, if Mick had not come home early. He didn't remember much, just waking up in the hospital, Mick staring at him coldly. "You ever try something like this again, you'll be very sorry." he had said, then turned and walked out.

_Broken  
Lifeless  
I give up  
You're my only strength_

The weeks after that, Tommy had closed in on himself, not even talking to Nikki, who had always suspected something was not right within the relationship. Mick really hadn't shown any signs of caring, so long as he still got to fuck Tommy. The sex was always punishing for Tommy. Nothing in their relationship was tender anymore.

_Without you  
I can't go on  
Anymore  
Ever again_

Mick had Tommy so brainwashed that Tommy truly believed that he was less than nothing, not worthy of love, and nobody would love him except Mick. Mick was the only one would could love him, so he ought to be grateful for that. Tommy sighed again, trying to ignore the pain in his heart. Sometimes, he wondered if Nikki would love him, but he pushed those thoughts roughly aside. He didn't need anyone but Mick, right?

_My only hope  
(All the times I've tried)  
My only peace  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy  
My only strength  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power  
My only life  
(And love is where I'm at)  
My only love_

Tommy had tried to leave Mick a few times. The first time Mick had hit him, he had gone running to Vince. Vince had asked questions. Questions that Tommy didn't want to answer. So, he left. Went back to Mick. Mick had been all apologies and comfort, promising never to hurt Tommy again. Tommy believed him. The next few months after that had been paradise. Mick showering him with presents, love, and affection. When they had sex, it wasn't just sex. They were making love. Mick always made sure that Tommy was pleased before him. Tommy was happy for a little while.

_I can't run anymore  
I give myself to you  
I'm sorry  
I'm sorry_

Then it happened again. Mick had come home in a foul mood and Tommy had tried to make him feel better. Apparently, he had said the wrong thing, because the next thing he knew, he was on the floor, holding his cheek. The imprint of Mick's hand was red and angry. He watched as Mick got control of himself and saw what he had done. Tommy watched his eyes fill with shock and regret. 

"Tommy, baby, I'm sorry. I swear I didn't mean it." he helped Tommy up and led him into the bedroom.

Tommy pulled away. "You said it wouldn't happen again." He left Mick for what he thought was good.

_In all my bitterness  
I ignored all that's real and true  
All I need is you  
When night falls on me  
I'll not close my eyes  
I'm too alive  
And you're too strong_

He and Nikki had had a relationship in the past, before Tommy got with Mick. He ran to Nikki, who greeted him with open arms. He held him close as he sobbingly told him what had being going on. From the first time Mick hit him, to the most recent time. "Why didn't you leave him the first time?" Nikki had asked. "He promised it's be different. And it was, 'til now." Tommy had answered. Their relationship had renewed itself and Tommy was happy again.

_I can't lie anymore  
I fall before you  
I'm sorry  
I'm sorry_

Tommy knew, that on some level of his heart, he still loved Mick. He had pushed that away, telling himself he loved Nikki and he did. Problem was, he still loved Mick, no matter how hard he tried to deny it.

_My only hope  
(All the times I've tried)  
My only peace  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy  
My only strength  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power  
My only life  
(And love is where I'm at)  
My only love_

Nikki had noticed Tommy becoming slowly depressed. He also noticed that the more depressed Tommy was, the happier Mick seemed. He wondered what was going on and if the guitarist had something to do with it. He questioned Tommy on the subject. Tommy just said he had been feeling a little down lately, no, Mick had nothing to do with it, he'd be fine in a few days. Nikki wanted to believe him, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen.

_Constantly ignoring  
The pain consuming me  
But this time it's cut too deep  
I'll never stray again_

Nikki had been right. A few days later, it was just Mick and Tommy in the studio. 

"You should know what happens when you try to leave me." Mick had said before pushing Tommy down on the couch. He forced a bruising kiss onto Tommy. 

Tommy pushed him away. "What the fuck? You can't do this! I'm with Nikki." 

Mick smirked down at him from his perch on Tommy's thighs. "You think that matters? You'll always be mine." Mick made quick work of their clothes. He pushed into Tommy without warning or preparation. 

Tommy screamed at the blinding pain. He felt like he was being ripped in half. 

Mick kept thrusting into him, stroking his cock in time with his thrusts. 

Tommy hated that he was turned on by this. The pain had given way to pleasure and soon he was cumming, the pull of his muscles against Mick's cock proved too much for him and he came inside of Tommy.

Tommy gingerly pulled his clothes back on. Mick stared at him, then said, "You know, you can't go back to Nikki now. He'll never want you after this. To him, you'll just be damaged goods. Nobody wants that." 

Tommy stared at him. "Well, I just won't tell him." 

"Ha, you think that'll work? If you don't break up with him, I'll tell him myself." 

"You wouldn't!" 

"Try and find out."

So, Tommy broke up with Nikki, not really giving him an answer, other than "I don't think we should see each other anymore." Which Nikki knew was complete bullshit,but he didn't push, because he could see how much this was hurting the drummer. He also knew that Mick was behind this, because Tommy was back with him.

_My only hope  
(All the times I've tried)  
My only peace  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy  
My only strength  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power  
My only life  
(And love is where I'm at)  
My only love_

Nikki had cornered Mick at his house one day while Tommy was out. He had asked Mick what the fuck he had done to Tommy to make him leave him. Mick laughed and said, "He got tired of you. He wanted me instead." Nikki had left and vowed to get Tommy back. He still hasn't.

So, Tommy is still miserable, curled up in bed, waiting for Mick. He doesn't know if Nikki still loves him. He knows he still does. He has lost all love for the man he is now with. He still loves Mick, but the Mick he knew when they first started dating. This monster isn't the same. That Mick would never hurt him. That Mick would love him. That was the Mick he loved.

He knows he would give anything to be able to run back to Nikki, but Mick has told him what would happen to Nikki if he tried that again.

He knows he broke Nikki's heart when he left. He also knows that Nikki thinks Mick is hurting him again, which he is.

Tommy sighed. All he wanted was love. Was that so much to ask for? Instead he got this.

His Unhappily Ever After.

_My only hope  
(All the times I've tried)  
My only peace  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy  
My only strength  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power  
My only life  
(And love is where I'm at)  
My only love_


End file.
